He allways said that I would get used to it. That I would learn to control it better. That the mind would clear up, little by little. The truth of the matter is that the longer this lasts, the more I get lost in emotions I usually strive to control by every means possible. And with Dee that’s easy. She is, after all, under my spell. Yet he… Him I cannot control, no matter how hard I try. No matter my motivation or justification.<\/p>\n
There is one thing I could do. But right now that isn’t an option. It would break him beyond repair. And I cannot bear the thought. Yet… The thought of loosing him through the inability to prepare him for his tasks is just as mind-numbing.<\/p>\n
The hell.<\/p>\n
I know that what I did had to be done, no matter just how sorry I am for having hurt his feelings the way I did. I know – intimately – just how much I must have hurt him. And I will feel guilty over that forever. After months of thinking about it, I still come to the same conclusion: While doing what I did had side effects that could be benefitial, in a power-hogging sort of way, that was never the original intention. I would do the same thing all over again, given the same circumstance and knowledge I had then.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
He allways said that I would get used to it. That I would learn to control it better. That the mind would clear up, little by little. The truth of the matter is that the longer this lasts, the more I get lost in emotions I usually strive to control by every means possible. And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nathaniel-elyot-vampire-live-c1"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3553"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3756,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553\/revisions\/3756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}