This is it. I can’t possibly go any further than this. This is as far as my humble feet will carry me. From now on, I can only break. And I will. I have.<\/p>\n
I can’t make sense of what Jacques tells me anymore. One moment all that happened to us is my fault. The next he tells me that I am not to blame for any of it. Tells me that I should improve myself, that I could really move things.<\/p>\n
Yet whatever I say seems to be utterly wrong.<\/p>\n
The psyche is an interesting little thing. I know, scientifically speaking, that I can no longer have headaches. Yet, whenever someone puts a question before me that I cannot solve, they are very real to me. As real as can be. And as devastating.<\/p>\n
Now that Jacques is the way he is and I am – well – me… To blame for most of it… Having to see how he faces destruction in one form or another… I cannot get another word out to him. My voice just denies service. Mails do not work either. A conversation on the phone? No way. Text messages work, sometimes. Usually I have to keep them short, because my hands start shaking soon and I cannot focus on them.<\/p>\n
He tells me that there is a lord above and that all of this is a test. However, I don’t believe in god or his benevolence. What I see is Jacques’ suffering and the reality that I cannot do anything about it while at the same time he performs act after act that is so very illogical that I cannot see why he would do them in the first place.<\/p>\n
If there was a god above, he would make this stop. Not for my sake, but for that of Jacques’. He deserves better. He deserves the mercy of dying. As much as I hate the thought. Most importantly, he deserves better than me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This is it. I can’t possibly go any further than this. This is as far as my humble feet will carry me. From now on, I can only break. And I will. I have.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nathaniel-elyot-vampire-live-c1"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3686"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3755,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3686\/revisions\/3755"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatebook.eternalevil.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}