Ambivalence seems to be the trend of this brave new world.

Feli, Jake and I are getting along remarkably well these days. Can’t remember the last time we had a fight. At least not a real one. Not the kind that would keep us apart for days and nights, sometimes even weeks. She’s bought this place a few months back. Up to now we’ve never been there though. Probably still a lot to prepare. Knowing her she’ll want it to be perfect for the three of us. It’s a bit tough not to just go there and have a glimpse at it.

The downside is my little girl. There’s been a letter yesterday, notifying me that Jessica finally managed to push her greatest desire through – which obviously is never to have me see my kid again. The visits I could make every fortnight have been cancelled. And she has a court order to back it all up. Haven’t told the other two just yet. I’ve been trying to not think about this at all, knowing that I have no chance of keeping this up for long. Damnit!

I want her here. With us. The monsters that we have become are still better than anything her mother could be for her. It’s not even that she’s sleeping around or next of kin to a furious dragon whenever the kid doesn’t finish her homework in time. It’s just… attitude, I guess.

But I screwed up. No court is ever going to give custody to a con. Hell, I wouldn’t, given the choice. There’s ways to make them do this, of course. Each of them drawing attention though. Nothing that’d appear too good right now. And all of it might endanger the fragile peace our trio infernale has crafted for now. Might be then that I’m forced to decide between love for lovers and love for my child. Last time I had to decide this it brought me right down to hell. So what am I going to do this time? Crap.