And how the hell am I supposed to cross over? I think I never went from nuts to paranoid to calm to paranoid to headachy and straight back to paranoid again in that little a time!

The night started out badly enough. I woke up screaming. Or at least so I’m told by Greg and Dee. Had the weirdest dream… I was in a clearing, couldn’t move. But I could feel the sunlight and the shadows the leafs above me cast on me. Sweetest sight ever… If not for Greg, who took out a can of gas, dozed me in it and then set me on fire. Must have been what I had him do to Marius. I can still feel my flesh burning away. And I can’t quite shake the scent of fumes, burning flesh and sulfur. Damn all that! The whole thing drove me nuts for the whole night. And of course it tempted the moon folk into being more crazy than they usually are. Simon held a lighter out behind my back in order to prove that I wouldn’t burst into flame. Asshole! Just because you can make a point doesn’t mean that I’m going to think you my savior when you do! Either way. I didn’t burn to a crisp that night, which is good.

All I can say about Simon right now is that his informations are way outdated. He thinks Alessandro still enjoys a lot of support while I see all of that crumbling away. I’m not saying what I have in mind is going to be easy. But at least it’s less hard than it could have been. Karsten thinks that Alessandro is still supported by Bruni. I, on the other hand, doubt that support will last till the end of the week.

Smartass that I am I made a deal with Doc Mertens. He’ll teach me a trick he did at my party. In turn I will have to teach him something some time. Doesn’t matter really. The whole point of this stunt is to have the Malkavian come looking for me as well, should anything happen to me. Can’t hurt to have folks trying to safe their investments. Besides, said trick is a rather useful one. And Doc Mertens is likable enough.

Interestingly enough Sparkle was there as well. She tried calming me down, made me think about meditation. She also provided the keys to a safe-house she set up some time ago. According to her only she knows of it. Perhaps the prince. I accepted her offer to stay there. No doubt she’ll call in a favor for this oone of these nights. But that’s peachy with me. Brother Jean says she harbors intentions of returning to the domain. Comes as a surprise, seeing as to her reasons for leaving in the first place. I don’t care much wether she or the friar cut J.B. down to size. As long as either of them does. And I do think Jean will always hold a certain sway in his clan. Can’t be bad to side with him. I’m doing what I can to keep our ties close.

Sparkle also pointed out that she thinks Alessandro is capable of reading minds. If so it would be quite possible for him to set me up, especially with that dream I had. I will have to be careful.

Meanwhile I also found out that there’s something Jean doesn’t like – and that is touching. The man went right at my throat for trying to comfort him. And he is strong… Scary as hell too. Though I guess that was his beast raging inside. It happens. All of us lose control at some point or another. Can’t say I’m mad at him for that.

Karsten was useful in one matter. He helped uncover that some person had mind-fucked with my brain. Turns out that person was Shiraz. Surprisingly so he did that because I fucking asked him to! Makes sense though, considering the kind of headache I get for not being able to solve a problem. He was kind enough to lift his block once it had been uncovered that he set it up in the first place. Yeah, I know – just another investment. Part of me likes to think he also did it for pity’s sake. And I was right. He does plan to rise again, just like a phoenix from the ashes. When he does I intend to be on his good side. He might be a bit slow at times. But he’s got most of his loyalties set right. And he has influence in very useful categories of unlife. Also, I might have given away who cut him off. Oopsy. Can’t see how that possibly could have slipped out. I liked his reaction.

If only I knew what’s going on in Alessandro’s mind… He’s being our private little Nero these nights. Had Jason cut off his right index finger for another perceived slip of etiquette. I think people around here forget what that is all about. And how it’s done properly. Once more Jason was the one who got caught in the crossfire. Alena was angry at him first, until I explained to her that she would have been next in line for punishment, seeing as she was just as slow to bid the ancilla hello as Jason was. And informing her that both Jason and I had seen him enter – but had also known that he was looking for his child and in a hurry. No reason to get in his way. Hell, if we had done so we would both have been punished for that. So that set her straight on things. As for Alessandro? He kept pampering me all night long. But as egocentric as I may be, this clan consists of more people than him and me. It’s nice to know he looks out for me. However, the fact that I look out for my own doesn’t seem to have reached him just yet. I’m protective over Alena. A dozen-fold more so for Jason. I’ve had my fill of seeing him get hurt over crap like that. And I will stop it or go down trying.

Alena… Turns out she’s been a ward to Bruni, the Countess and sort of the prince as well. Only goes to show that it was a good thing to try and protect her. She’ll go out riding with me some time soon. I like that! It’s been decades since I last had a good ride with someone. Dee went with me a few weeks ago, true enough. She’s the only one who really understands. Still, I think I will enjoy Alena’s company a lot.

I have informed Bruni about Alessandro’s condition. Also I have given the prince certain hints. Judging from her behavior up to now I don’t think she’ll stop me. Yet I feel I owe her to ask at least. I’m curious what she has to say to all of this. Just as much as I am about Bruni’s opinion.

One thing is for certain: J.B. must be relieved from his command. Best thing would be for him to leave, but that’s my own wishful thinking, I guess. He seems to be the kind of guy who’ll keep a grudge. And he is Brujah. His grudges are likely to hurt.

What also hurt was the headache, once it came back. Thanks to good Miss Sanders, who gave me just enough hints to not be able and let go of the problem. I wonder whether she tried being helpful or disable me for the rest of the night. Both, probably.

One of the things you learn at a very early stage in unlife is that it’s a dangerous thing to trust anyone. More so to trust one of the Nosferatu. They deal with information in every sense of the word. And then here’s one of the sewer rats who seems to have taken a liking in me. Who trusts me with rather private information about him. Someone who keeps intel from me, if only to keep me safe and avoid further headaches. I am tempted to call him a friend. Once more knowing the kind of fool this makes me.

There is some comfort in knowing that Jason is just as foolish in this. With Thomas his trust seems genuine. At the same time he plays his games with Wartenburg. Probably thinks there’s something to gain from her at some point or another. Might be right about her too.

Either way. Should things go as I planned them I have just the job for Jason. And if it works out as well as what I have planned for Alena this clan is going to be as dangerous as we should have been all along once more. The words we speak will be dreaded and appreciated. They will cut just as much as the swords and claws of the others. They will remember our worth.

And still… I find myself being sorry for so many things… Most of all for Alessandro. I wish I could do more for him. But then, people do have to use their own heads. I can’t do all his thinking for him. That would be bound to fail once he is left to do that on his own. Doesn’t change the fact that I feel I have failed him…

Der Pazifik, der Atlantik, das Mittelmeer. In den Ohren der meisten Menschen hörte sich alles völlig gleich an. Aber eben nicht für alle. Das Mittelmeer wirkte, zumindest an diesem Tag, ungleich ruhiger während die Sonne wohlwollend auf den Strand schien. Den Strand und damit die Leute, die sich dort befanden.
“Don’t go to sleep now!” Der Protest der weiblichen Stimme entlockte ihrem Gesprächspartner ein missmutiges Murren.
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are! Are too!” Kichernd stützte sich Dee auf, beugte sich über ihren Partner und stubste seine leicht sonnenverbrannte Nase.
“The fuck! What did you do that for?!”
“To make sure you stay awake, Natey.” Und das war das Schlimme mit Frauen. Besonders dieser hier. Sie konnte so unglaublich entwaffnend lächeln. “C’mon. Tell me something – interesting! You knkow. I know how much you like to show off.”
Das wusste sie wirklich. Genau genommen machte das dieses Duo aus. Sie wussten alles über einander. Jedes noch so kleine Detail. Die ganzen Wichtigkeiten. Alles Unwichtige. Die Dinge, die den anderen nervten. Die Dinge, die gefielen.
“Fine.” Semigenervt atmete er durch, lächelte dann aber doch. “The quantity of salt molecules in a tea spoon of sea water is equivalent to the amount of water within the oceans, measured in tea spoons.”
Dee starrte Nathaniel einen Moment verdutzt, dann ungläubig an. “You made that up.”
“Prove me wrong.”, gab er grinsend zurück und grub seine Zehen etwas in den heißen weißen Sand. “And for the record: I did not.” Interessiert sah er sich selbst dabei zu, wie er etwas Sand in die Luft spritzte.
Leicht schmollend machte es sich die junge Frau auf Schulter und Brustkorb ihrer Begleitung bequem und tippte geistesabwesend mit den Fingerspitzen über dessen Torso. “Tell me again why we aren’t getting married, Natey.”
Eine der sichersten Methoden den Mann zum stocken zu bringen. “Because we’d be doing our parents a favor. And because we don’t work that way – as we found out on numerous occasions.”
“Right. I forgot.”, räumte sie seufzend ein. Natürlich hatte sie es nicht vergessen, das wussten sie beide. Dann und wann kam die Frage auf, auch wenn Dee sie eher stellvertretend für sie beide aussprach.
“Seems to me everywhere we go people already think of us as a couple.”
“Ew! That’d be awkward. I mean… You and I and – nobody? That’d be so boring!”
“Told you. We just don’t work that way.”
“If we aren’t married to somebody else at sixty, we should do it.”
“If we aren’t married to somebody else at sixty, we will.” Er tastete nach der Kamera, die hier irgendwo liegen musste. “Up you go. Need to take your picture as long as you aren’t sixty.”
“Invent something that will keep me from getting wrinkles, genius!”