Usually this is where I start noting down all sorts of things about what happened last Thursday. This time, however, I feel so stricken that I can’t even get that done. Worse yet: I don’t even exactly know why. My guess is this is just some mood that’ll pass by soon enough. My hope is that I’m right about this.

My world of local people I’d voluntarily work with really shrinks down to a precious few people. With all of them the business relationship already became more personal. There’s still a long way to go until I can really give a safe estimate on whether they’ll bear fruit or not. Real fruit. Not just the small things that may or may not sweeten your nights a little.

A couple of nights back Jason dropped me a note, informing me that Thomas thinks they had lost me. The idea itself has been enough to keep me thinking about it over and over again ever since I read the words. The more I think about it the more my conclusion solidifies. A very sad one.

I’m thinking: They haven’t lost me. More like the other way around. I lost them. As of late I find myself less likely to really appreciate Thomas’ type of humor. I’m not even blaming him. And while usually most of my anger and whatever else it may be that I display during a domain gathering is an act the rage over him pouring out too much of his jokes and japes was very real. Jason on the other hand… Don’t know whether it’s intentional or not. Or whether I’m just seeing things. But he feels more distant to me than it used to be. Stranger yet I find myself hurt by the fact. And while I would give much to bridge that distance once more I also know that such things can’t be forced. Also it’s very natural for relationships, no matter their nature, to be subject to constant change. I only hope it’ll change for the better again.

Taking both of that into account I must say that all of this should be put on my slate. I am likely to be the one causing all that trouble. Probably because I’m getting tied up in politics. One has to weave a net of strings in order to be successful, so that’s what I do.

I should get back to work and distract myself. Tough luck. I know that won’t work.

“Sir. You have not been talking to -” Ein scharfer Blick schnitt Greg das Wort ab, ehe er den Namen aussprechen konnte. “You have not been talking to her for a very long time now. It has been weeks. Maybe you should call on her.”
“I’m not about to come crawling back, begging for her forgiveness at her doorstep, Greg.” Nicht etwa, dass es wirklich etwas gegeben hatte, was man hätte vergeben müssen. Es war ein einfacher kleiner Streit gewesen. Nichts großartiges. Und dann hatten beide beschlossen, Dee und er, den jeweils anderen am langen Arm verhungern zu lassen.
Nur war er eben wesentlich schlechter darin als sie. “I am very certain she would enjoy dinner with you some time soon, sir.”, gab der Butler zu bedenken.
“You are being manipulative, Greg.”
“Yes, sir.” Wobei die Worte eher wie das Bestätigen eines Befehls klangen als ein echtes Eingeständnis.
Nathaniel ging erneut auf und ab im Raum. “… Bring me that blasted phone then.”