Experience. That is what I came here for after all, didn’t I? Wanting to find new things. Wanting to find something that would put me to the test. A challange. Anything that gives someone who is bored with the world a new kick. Right? Right. I certainly got more than I bargained for. Part of me hates me for that and for not leaving. The rest is excited, agitated, thrilled. And most of all out for the kill.

The Senate met an Archon. “Stay out of their way.” is all that I was told about guys like that. And I wish I could have. He had us show up, held a short speech, gave us a scroll of paper and left the prince with us. Not one of us had the chance to speak as much as a word. There were no questions asked. All of it was stating facts. Deal with it or die on the spot. That was really all there was to it.

Had I the eyes to see I could have seen her face that night. From what the other two tell me there is not much one would desire to see. Hell, I can’t even be sure that she heard me. Jean says it’s unlikely that she did. Then again, how much of our existance is scientific? So maybe she did hear. Maybe she can forgive. Maybe in her own little corner of existance she can see that we are holding down the fort as best we can. Only time will tell whether she made the right decision in appointing us. I for one plan to fight with everything I have. Ironic though. She never wanted to be a saint, yet she makes herself a martyr. Which is good, because it is a very good thing to portray to the domain. How do you fight a saint, after all?

The edict. It explained that the Camarilla had made a decision about the recent occurances in Marburg. The prince suffered one death of the nine that should have been. Her sacrifice taken into account the nine kindred responsible for the breach are to pick one among them who will suffer the final consequence. Right now that person seems to be Simon Karsten. Mertens wrote to the senate, basically begging for his life. But there’s nothing we can do. The edict clearly states that the nine responsible shall choose one among them. Not the senate. No other. Those nine. And I don’t think Karsten will be missed much by anyone but Mertens, who could do much better for himself if he decided to step out of Karsten’s shadow. I told him so. Not that I think he’ll stick to my advice. People tend to not do that and eventually come crying because the got hurt. Also it has been made clear to us that, should someone fuck up again, this domain will be wiped from the maps. Completely. However, they did put a nice bit of phrasing in there: blindly or mindlessly. Good. Allows for some small leeway.

It turns out that Karsten, foolishly so, tried to escape from where he’s held. So that gives things a bit more of an official touch. I should thank him for being so very, very stupid. And it will please me a lot to pull that stake out, only to ask him a question or two and drive it right back in. Ah, won’t that be fun. Nothing will please me more. The bastard always tried to weasel his way out of responsibility. Now Mertens walks up to me, reminding me of all the good things Simon did for the domain. Yeah, he did. Only he is also one of the biggest fuck-ups around. I’d rather suffer a hundred untalented kindred than one of them who puts everyone at risk around here. If I had a vote in this, it would be Karsten to go. Fortunately the rest of the Nine are opportunistic and cowardly enough to also choose him.

So finally Raphael understand why the senate didn’t punish anyone. And how severe the situation really is. At least one of the people responsible caught up on that. At the same time he busies himself with etiquette, as does Alena. They need a bit more training. But I guess the general direction is ok. If the big bosses at the Camarilla decide to let the rest of the Nine off the hook, then they are off the hook. I won’t waste my time hammering them afterwards. They screwed up. I won’t give them a chance to do so again. And only the prince knows how often Raphael and his influecne have helped covering somebody else’s shit up.

In the meantime Alena somehow made it into the Bruni family. Odds are they didn’t make it easy for her. Still, my suggesting that everybody is at risk now made her angry – that is, until I told her to check my thoughts. That calmed her down pretty quick. And as I said before. There’s no point in continueing to hammer her over this. I really hope that Jason and her finally managed to work things out between them. Though, according to what he writes, he’s still pretty pissed.

Bruni, his wife and some associate of his were there as well. Not much of a surprise there. After all the prince is very close to them. The countess was very – well – fluffy towards everyone, except during the little speech she held for the senate. But I acknowledge that she meant well. It’s most liekly just her way of talking about serious stuff. No harm done. The marchese helped me through a short crisis. Since my words seemed to help nothing to take some of the pain away from the prince. Who knows, really. She might. But she won’t tell me till she wakes up. And their associate? Security guy. Very much the hacker. Somebody told me his real name is Valentino. And that I should know about this. Then again, if the Brunis bring him who is he to me? No real reason to investigate. Not now. There are more important issues at hand. And Franke really didn’t have much ring to it anyway.

Still. We will be needing some help. Elder help. Styx is on our side. As much as an elder can be. I’ll ask Jean about Weischenberg. Freienfels on the other hand is likely to make a reach for the throne. If so, I’ll have to think of something to stop him. He is old, he is powerful – but at least he’s stupid. That can work in our favor. He wouldn’t want to reign because he wants power. He already has that. What I think he truly wants is adoration. The kind that you can’t force with the gifts of the blood. Real adoration for his motives, his character. So if he tries anything, I am going to propose to him a way that will give him exactly that. And hope that he’s stupid enough to take the bait. Chances are he will.

Next was the subject of Esther. I got the chance to talk to her a little. And Bruni tells me that her answer that she will be loyal to the Camarilla is the truth. So that’s good. Though there’s no real questions I have for her. After all she could be lieing. If she’s good I wouldn’t have a chance to notice. There’s always someone better at a thing than you are. News about her leaked out though. Mascha made some hints towards Hope. Hope leaked it to her clan. And the clan… The clan remains silent, for now. But it’s a matter of time till somebody talks. So all we can do is be faster than they are. Explain as best we can.

To the best of my knowledge Jean had a serious heart-to-heart with Hope after finding out about this. It probably involved some smacking around. She deserves it, of course. Should have adressed the senate first. Then her clan. What they say about her – being Brujah first, then the rest – seems to apply. Which doesn’t give me much reason to trust her. I made a few hints towards her. If she’s as smart as she pretends not to be she’ll have picked up on that. Good.

Didn’t get to talk to Harkon at all. Mainly due to the fact that he didn’t feel he had to say hi to me. Well, boohoo, old man. With the prince gone Thomas, Jean and I are the top of the food-chain, even though we are mere neonates. Not because we feel it’s nifty to pull strings and push people around, but rather because we have to rule the domain now. Rule. Yes, that’s right. I’m not too fond of that. Yet that is what has to happen. So it will happen. And god be mercyful to those who try and oppose me in fulfilling the prince’s wish. I will strike them down.

And I should probably start with his kid, Amalia. She keeps hiding behind his status. And what’s it she says last night? “Well, that edict really made me start thinking…” Wow. Aren’t you top of the class. You should have started thinking when the masquerade breach became known. You should have started when the prince stopped showing up. You should have started when, mysteriously, nobody got punished. NOW you pick up on all of that? And you say you’re good at listening? Listening to what exactly, lady?

Doctor Euler seemed pretty upset about the way things turned out. I guess he is one of the few people who understands that none of this is any good. I’m very curious to see what he’ll have to say the next couple of weeks. What puzzles me is that Baumgartner came to me last night, telling me that we looked very impressive. Quite the way we should. Somehow I feel strange when that man compliments me.

A new Brujah in town. Again. Esmeralda by name. Says she’s into the gothic scene. Dresses all black. Not very pale. I bet you she’s so very stereotypical that she is a gypsy. Maybe I should have the Tremere check her blood and see if she’s a Ravnos after all. Not that I care much.

Good Miss Rottenmeier had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the night. She couldn’t bear the sound of someone playing the piano. No idea why. She said that he would do it to drive her insane. A Malkavian. Insane. … Anyway. I told her we would protect her against anyone and anything that was trying to get to her. As long as she didn’t let them get to her head.

Thomas… The man still gives me headaches. He still doesn’t quite know when to shut up. Really, this is the moment where we need him to turn this around. I can see Jean’s patience fraying way beyond repair. Right now I’m not sure if I could hold him back. And the more time passes the less of a mind I have to even try. There is one last thing I will point out to him. One last hint I will give. Help him, once more. If that fails as well he is of no use to the domain anymore.

Which leaves me with two people. Jean was… well… angry that people went back to business as usual all too quickly. And he is right. However, it also means that portraying a certain confidence made them behave normally. In turn, that means that they can be controlled easily – much like sheep. Most of them anyhow. Of course, given the fact that he’s a Christian do-gooder and what have you, he won’t like that much. I’m not even all that sure he’s too happy about what I did. What I say. What I will do and say. He understands though that all of it is necessary.

All of this requires some tough decisions. Like whether or not any of this is worth sticking around and risking your unlife. I know that I, for one, am pretty stupid for staying. But I feel honor-bound. And sufficiently challanged. What surprises me is that I would have thought Jason to be smarter than me. That he’d leave. Save his hide for as long as he can. So I gave him every chance to just go. Go and do it now. Jason… Jason stayed. It must be very hard for him. There’s many things ahead on this road that will piss him off, annoy him, frustrate him beyond anything he has experienced up to now. Still, he stays. And I find myself being… greatful for it. I can’t really tell him that. Not now. Probably never. Yet at least he gives me the feeling that I’m not totally wrong in staying here myself. If I’m an idiot, then at least I’m an idiot that will go down in style with someone at my side I can respect. That counts for something after all.

Eine Weile kniete er schweigend. Aber die anderen hatten ihm diese Zeit nicht gegönnt, damit er schweigen konnte. Als er sprach drohte die Stimme zu brechen, wie auch der Geist mit ihr.
“I am sorry that I did not find better words… The right words that would have averted all of this from you… As I should have. As I promised.”
Er wollte weinen. Aber wer konnte das schon, wenn er wirklich wollte?
“Now all that is left is to hope that what happens now not only happens in the name of the Camarilla – but also in yours. We will hold. Until you wake up.”
Und dann – dann wollte er nicht gehen, auch wenn er nichts mehr zu sagen hatte. Auch wenn da nichts war, was er sehen konnte. Nur das Bewusstsein dort lag sie. Die Gewissheit ihr nicht helfen zu können. Und das Wissen darum was ihr Fehlen für ihn und die anderen bedeuten würde.