Have a care that the gathering runs smoothly. That there’s no real fighting. That people feel secure again. Funny thing is – most of them already do. They either don’t take the situation for what it is, or they’ve once more proven just how swiftly they forget about what is important. There’s only a precious few who are still struck with last week’s news. Such a shame.

I was supposed to take care of Freienfels. Half the time I didn’t even see the guy. The other half people needed to talk to me about this and that. Oh well. Seems to me he still entertained himself pretty well. Still can’t stand him much. He worries about Raphael and what I might or might not do to the fellow. Cute, but useless. An elder told us to drop the matter, so I guess that’s what’s going to happen. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m disappointed with Raphael. On a personal level. For all his talk about how sorry he was for letting me down he’s remarkably quiet. And keeping quiet never did much to save a friendship or whatever you would call it.

And while I’m at it I might as well say a word or two about Shepherd. It’s funny how after only one night of talking to him Alessandro approaches me to warn me about the fellow. Not because I’m on his shit list, but rather because he is, quite frankly, an asshole. Fortunately I already knew that much. What can be said in his favour is that he is one of the few people who actually understands the situation about Kassel. According to him the whole of clan Ventrue does. Yet somehow I doubt that. Not quite as smart as they thought themselves to be.

Last but by no means least for that clan: Miss Pearse. She’s not back from Ireland just yet, so there isn’t much to say except for one of the fun facts of the evening: She’s Hopes fucking sister. Half-sister. Whatever. They are related. Pretty creepy. Sure as hell explains why they hang out a lot. And it explains why Hope would worry about Aileen quite that much. According to Hope the Ventrue have it in for Pearse now. If they did anything they’d be VERY stupid. Then again, that never stopped them before.

Winter is coming. Or rather, winter is here. Winter – being my new eye-patch, bestowed upon me by Alessandro. For which I am very greatful. I like what he did with those things! Now the four seasons are all finished. Fucking piece of art, I say. Also he brought us new banners. I guess it’s his way of showing how much he misses the prince. He always admired her. What happened back then was necessary. And yet I still feel like a traitor. Damn that.

Some time soon I should talk to the other two about where Esther will live in the future. She can’t stay with Jacques forever. Part of me would want her around – kind of as a guard. I think she’d even like that. Would return a sense of pack to her. Of course it’s not acceptable within the ranks of the Camarilla. I’ll have to figure something out.

With all that training I keep being unable to come up with the time for entering the damn sewers. But the year is drawing to an end, so I guess things should be easier then. I’ll manage. Mascha asked the right question though, so I do need to see the fellow and… confess, I guess. So he can give proper advice. If he considers me worthy enough of that. Makes me wonder what he sees in me.

Turns out Jason is jewish. Though I’ll believe his traveling plans for Israel once he actually gets there. Right now he’s way too fond of sticking with Mascha to leave her for very long. At least that’s the impression I get. Right now I think she’s exactly what he needs, so I have no reason to interfere. Hell, I’ll play along as best I can, as long as it keeps him out of trouble and her – well – entertained, I guess. The both of them were, for lack of a better word, very supportive in my current dilema of Dee. Mascha even helped me try to understand the beast better. And Jason took care that I don’t hurt anyone while she did. Trust could be invested in better people than either of them. But I’m no different, so… Besides, I think they are actually somewhat sincere. Doesn’t mean they won’t use my trust to their own advantage. Then again, I’d do the same. I do feel I can rely on them. And by now it doesn’t make much of a difference whether I actually can or not. I’ve exposed myself to the point where those two people could be my downfall. At least I know that. So do they.

Jacques is… Jacques. I bet you all the money I have that he actually enjoys passion. Craves lust. But he’d rather bite his tongue off than actually admit to that openly, without being asked to. He asked for my help, not even limiting that to possibly becoming prince. He seems to be in need of an anchor and chooses just about the most unstable person I know to pose as that. Can’t blame him though. Especially not since I basically lured him into this. Considering the options I think it was the best thing I could do for him. And the whole involvement has benefits for me as well. Still, he’s very lost in thought most of the time. Some kind of emotional vampire. I’ve never had a guy around me who was just as draining as he is. Again, that’s no reason to give up just yet. I may not be able to support him as a prince – but that doesn’t mean I can’t support him at all.

Most funny thing I heard all night: Harkon to be regent. Yeah, right. Over my dead body. If that guy gets any office at all, I’m out of here. Eight neonates screw up. One ancilla. And as long as the latter equals his name I’m looking forward to kicking him in the ass next time he screws up on my watch.

So, about that test: Controling the beast is impossible. It will find a way to slip loose sooner or later. Which means: Sooner or later I will accidentally kill Dee. So I have the choice to either do it on purpose, just wait till it happens – or embrace her and create her as my child. Which would give her back part of her free will. And involve the risk of her deciding that I’ve been screwing with her way too long and it’s better to just go. Also there are some political ramifications that are rather unpleasant. Then again… She’s worth almost every risk. I haven’t quite made up my mind just yet. Should I kill her for love or rather lead her into eternal damnation for the same reason?