I never thought it could be so damn hard to watch him go. Walking away took just about everything I had to actually do. Now the motto of the upcoming nights is: wait. Patience. The very thing I’m so very not good at. I want to be with him, see to it that he gets through this hard trial. Want to protect him from the hole he dug for himself. Wishing I could take the fall for him. But he doesn’t want that… Jesus Christ, damn martyrs! I feel sick to the stomach when I think about some of the things that will have to happen.

Anyway.

I went to the Countess to apologize for my lack of humility towards my siress as well as not following her order when she told me to go last time I saw her. To stress my point I brought the arrowhead that I got way back when I first went out on an exploration. She was kind enough to listen to my explanation on why I brought it and why I thought she should have it. Going there I had no intention of going back him with said arrowhead still in my possession. I thought that there was nothing she could say or do that would make me take it back with me without her or my pride taking severe damage. But she did. She listened. Spread some wisdom. And though her and I are both utterly different I think she at least understands that I’m trying to do my best to keep this boat afloat. From what I can tell she will keep helping us out when there’s need for her help. I know I still have a long way to go for the lessons she and her husband intend for me to learn. However, never let it be said that I’m not walking the walk.

I wonder how long it’ll take him to write a message that he got there safely…

Sadly, during the last gathering I had no time at all to talk to Marchese Bruni. A shame. And an insult, if one wants to see it that way. Fortunately he understands that I was very occupied with the things that happened that night, plus the prince’s wish for the whole senate to be present during the introduction. A very annoying ordeal. Worse yet, one of our clan sisters screwed her part up. Anyway. Bruni told me a few interesting facts about Jason. As did the Countess. Puts things into another kind of perspective.

Speaking of botching your introduction… Miss Reese once more graced us with her presence. Not for long though, since she screwed up the Fourth, even though I warned her about a month ago. Not that she used her time to learn much. So I had Williams stake her. Guess that means clan Brujah hates me now. Of course they’re very far from understanding that, in doing what I did, I was trying to protect Jacques. Something they’re not too good at themselves, seeing as they keep causing trouble for themselves and him. Not too clever of you, guys.

Bleh. How long can it take to write a fucking text message?!

Turns out someone leaked Jason’s report concerning the Brujah interna and Hope’s servant to – well – clan Brujah. As fate would have it that person is Jacques. Now, I do understand his need to speak the truth. And I know that this unlife can be so taxing that there’s not much will in a person left and you can’t always do what you should. Still, his action compromised Jason’s position severely. And someone like Jason doesn’t take things like this lightly. Hell, he shouldn’t! If anyone should have the adlati’s back, then that’d be the senate. After all the prince has our back as well. Only makes sense. So… While I can understand Jacques on a personal level, it’s bull on a professional one. Now I’m caught between trying to protect someone I love – which is hard, because I don’t want to hurt him, neither personally, nor politically. But then I remember the voice of the old sewer rat, telling me that if anyone was ever to find out what happens between the Frenchman and me he might very well loose his head over it… And that leaves me with just one option. Unless, by some miracle, Jacques does something that fixes this whole thing. I never thought keeping my promise to him could be this damn hard! But… The way he acts I’m still supposed to keep it…

Being the pro he is Jason went dark immediately. I love the man for thinking like that. Asked Mascha and him over so we could talk about this. Besides, I need to see how well he’s dealing with this. And Mascha virtually knows the things that conspire between the Swords. So there’s no harm in inviting her with him.

It was easy to think Pearse leaked that information on to her sister. I’m glad to see that she didn’t. Though I still would have preferred her screwing up to Jacques doing it. At least I now have a pretty safe guess concerning her loyalties. A good thing. Very good.

Still no text.

Thomas is trying hard to improve himself. I hope he succeeds. I can’t do this on my own, no matter what exactly that ominous something turns out to be. For whatever it is, he’s on board. And I think he understands. Mascha says the man has some secret agenda. He tells me that’s basically to grow into his office. Well… There’s still a little something he has to learn. Like – not writing a letter for people like Baumgartner and making the wrong enemies in doing so.

“Für Marburg” – the motto of the night. But are we really doing this for Marburg? Are we even doing this for the prince? I’m not quite sure why we’re trying to get through. But with me I’m pretty sure neither of that is the real answer. I’ll figure it out though.

And I really, really must speak to the prince. First, because I still owe her an apology for being the worst leader genius ever. And secondly because we need to talk about horses. Soon.

Ok, that’s it. I’m fucking rebooting the damn phone!

The room was perfectly empty. At least for the unseeing eye. When focusing Nathaniel could make out his friends. He gave an affirmative nod. Everything was fine. Everything was set into place.
The door opened. Williams stuck his head in, still somewhat funny looking with his hat and the unnaturally fair hair underneath. “Senator Elyot? Senator de Bojourelle ist jetzt hier.”
Nate donned his best smile. “Danke, Joseph. Lass ihn bitte rein. Und – Hope wartet auf dich unten, glaube ich.”
The other man gave a nod and held the door open for his older clan mate. Jacques entered with agitation in his step, which immediately subsided once he saw the Toreador and, more importantly, nobody else. The Brujah approached and wrapped his arms around the other man.
“Verzeih, schneller konnte ich nicht hier sein ohne Aufsehen zu erregen, Nathaniel…”
Once more Nate smiled. “Already forgiven. It’s fine.” Briefly he kissed the forehead of the other man, then withdrew and started walking. “You know, I really think this could work out.”
“Du hast vorhin nicht so gewirkt. Was hat deine Meinung geändert?”
By now the Toreador had finished walking a full circle and came back up behind Jacques. “You have.” With that he lay his arms around him, leaned his head over and kissed the side of the older man’s neck. “I love you…”
That had been the cue. The others picked it up in a heartbeat. Just like that three figured appeared, one to each side of the old man, the other right in front of him. The Mascha and Thomas had eached seized one arm of the Brujah. And within the blink of an eye Jason had driven a stake in the old man’s heart. Just like that. Everything Nate was doing was holding the man up – and smile.

“Nate! You need to wake up!” Dee’s voice.
Nate sat up straight, panting unnecessarily and feeling like a man who had recently been run over by a very long and very loud train. It took him a while to recover. Finally he turned his head, looking at Dee. “I want you to go.”
“Go? Nate, you just -”
“I’m not asking, Dee.”
Hesitatingly she got up, looking at him with confusion. “When can I come back…?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Go!”