I have never been so worried and scared any time before in my life. There is nothing worse than seeing someone enter a rather foolish fight, just for the sake of saving face and honor. And for what. Pride! It all boils down to pride.

There were so many people present. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even get to meet half of them. Most of them had the decency to say hello. Naturally there’s always some who can’t figute out that the eye-patch and the cane aren’t just for style. I guess those are the kind of people that don’t really matter anyway, since they obviously lack some sort of wit about them.

Harkon was present. He and his kid keep screwing up. Sadly what happened last night didn’t happen under my jurisdiction. Now I’m waiting for them to do something stupid in and around Marburg, so I can toss their sorry little asses to god knows where.

Thomas and Pearse had an eye on me practically the whole night long. The thought that this wasn’t their own idea is sneaking up on me as I type this. They were much too diligent about their business and Jack was much too unavailable to do any of that himself. Those two are people he trusts somewhat. People who can get close to me. Jason would be the obvious choice. But Jason is always busy doing something and has his own means of having someone’s back.

There was a certain Miss Grant present. She was very agitated about the way Jack treated her. I asked her to send me a report of her experience. Maybe what she writes can be used in my request to the prince…

I will have to address Mascha’s absence with Thomas and Jack. She wrote to Jason and me that she’d be gone for a couple of weeks, which in itself is fine. But leaving also means that she need reliable sources of information for the time of her absence – which in turn would only cause her to stay in touch with Jason as best as she can instead of ignoring his messages left and right.

There were some pretty impressive displays of courage and wit. Especially from people one wouldn’t expect it from. All in all somewhat entertaining, if not for Jack’s tendancy to be at the center of some form of trouble or another. Damn that. Damn the man.

I do hope the prince will listen to my suggestion and heed it. If so she’d be – what – one out of two or three people around here who not only listen to my advice but also take it seriously. I still think my idea could save everyone’s ass without exposing anyone. Appearances could be kept. Efficiency could be established.

For some odd reason Thomas wanted to try a blade on me. Not that he’d ever actually do it. Scared the crap out of Jack though. As if, man…

In the end Jason FINALLY managed to get himself a drink. A real one. Must have been the first time I actually saw him feed. There’s some beauty in that, no matter when you see it.

Dee remains worried. I don’t really know what to do about this. Heart and mind are no longer in synch. Most terrible state of being I know.

Anyway. I already checked on Jack whether he’s alright. His shoulder looked pretty bad when I saw him once last night. Even to my eye. He says he’s fine, which, of course, I’m not going to believe until I see him on horse back later on. I’m curious to see how Jason will handle that.

I once knew all the answers
I stood on certain ground
A picture of true happiness
A confidence so effortless
No brighter could be found

I never asked the questions
That trouble me today
I knew all there was to know
Love worn lightly
Put on show
My conquests on display

And who’d have thought that
Confidence could die?
Not me , Not me

That all I took for granted was a lie
Not me, Not me

And who’d have guessed
I’d throw my world away
To be with someone I’m afraid will say
Not me, not me

I shall not envy lovers
But long for what they share

An empty room is merciless
Don’t be surprised if I confess
I need some comfort there

And who’d have thought
That love could be so good?
Not me, not me
And show me things I never understood
Not me, not me