So this is it. I said what I had to say. And, as always, neither of them is listening. They say I’m missjudging the situation. AGain. That I mean well, but that what I suggest isn’t the right way.

Instead we should push communication. To what end? I tried talking. I tried listening. I tried both for half a year now. Nothing ever worked. They say that this time it will be different. Why? Because Jack has picked up a new trick. He can make people bend their knee. So? Doesn’t change anything.

I couldn’t convince them. What good is the most brilliant mind if you can’t transfer your knowledge, your wisdom to those who are important to you? Nothing. Everything I did, everything I do is bound to fail. Which means that I failed. I failed them. I failed her. Most of all I failed myself. Because after all this time I still haven’t figured out a way to convince them.

On the good side Alexandra is back now. She’s also the first person to notice the gloves. I – wasn’t much myself last night. Too worn out. So I told her why I am wearing them. At least I told her the rough idea. She will most likely keep her mouth shut about it. If not there’s not much lost. Not anymore.

Pearse was pleasent enough company. Made for a good distraction for some five minutes or so. Though that’s all I can say about her for now. Jean… Jean told her. About us. She simply asked the right questions. Doesn’t matter much either. She’s got good reason not to spill the beans to anyone, including her sister.

By now there’s been a few messages amongst the senate. Cooperation. Obviously talking and listening means trampling. Thomas actually signed with “damn toreador”. I know I get angry sometimes. But I don’t think I ever go so low as he did in that. No idea what exactly is up with him. I don’t think there’s much to be done anymore. I tried my best. Wasn’t good enough.

Meanwhile Jack tries to convince me that it’ll all work out. Yet this new treaty of theirs lasted for – what – 24 hours at best. Even I had hoped for a fortnight. So yeah, not so much, love. I can see that he’s trying hard to make this work. But all his promises, all that display of leadership – neither of it really makes it to his voice. The voice still says that he doesn’t want to lead. That he can’t. He’s trying, because he has to. But he still doesn’t want to. And I at least notice that. As much as I do regret it.

I did talk to the prince. Explained just about everything I had on my mind without going into too much detail. In most parts she agrees with me. I refrained from spelling out what I told the other two. But I think she knows anyway. Besides, I put it down in the friday report, so she should have the idea in her hands by now. As well as the reaction of the other two, Thomas in particular. I feel I disappointed her, even before she came back. The other two took her blessing and went on about their business, thinking that things had worked out just fine. Me? I still feel I failed.

By now the only person in this domain who really believes and sometimes even trusts in what I have to say seems to be Jason. And I do hope he means it when he says he does. If he doesn’t and I should find out, then that will break my spine. The punch I can’t take. As it is I’m this close to falling apart already. Not quite as strong as I thought I would be. Jason, for his part, is trying his best to be supportive. For now I can still rely on him.

I’ve done everything I could, played all my cards. What remains to be seen now is how everything will play out. There isn’t any fight left in me. The next month will either see me rise or destroyed. That much I know. I think I had a good run. Put on a good show.

“Tell me again what we’ll do once I wake up, Jack…” The Toreador set the glas down on the nightstand, idly glancing at it as what appeared like red veins trickled down to the bottom of the glas, gathering in a small pool there and tingling in the noses of both men.
Years and years in Germany and the man still had never managed to loose that French accent of his. “Wir werden verreisen… Für ein paar Nächte nur. Die Zeit wird uns gut tun. Ein wenig – inne halten. Ein paar Nächte ein Niemand sein, Nathaniel.” He reached over, brushing a strand of hair away from his lover’s forehead. “Ganz wie wir es uns vorgenommen haben.” To keep his voice quiet and reassuring wasn’t hard. He had seen enough people through this. Different methods. Different circumstance. But the words they needed never differed quite so much.
The Toreador smiled at him drowsily. “Does sound good, doesn’t it…”
Giving a nod of confirmation the former friar seized the hand of the other man. “Sehr, mein Freund.”
On a chair outside the bedroom door rested the sword he had brought to the gatherings so often. It would wait for him there till the time was right and the blood had carried his lover away to sleep. It would end then. There would be no stolen nights away in some distant foreign city. There would only be fading memories.
Both of them knew that.

His eye wide in shock Nate woke up, not panting the way he would have had he still needed to fill his lungs with air. He reached to his side and found the reassuring presence of soft, warm skin next to him. The scent of her perfume. Her shallow breathing as she slept right beside him.
She had done this often, in the beginning. Sleeping next to a corpse so he wouldn’t feel so lost when he woke up in the first couple of months. It had been comforting. And it had ended after half a year. He had adapted and she had found sleeping next to a dead man irritating.
Something had drawn her back to that now.
He looked at her sleeping form with a sadness he had never dared show her when she was awake, facing him. With her he would always put on another show, face another smile – no matter how fake. Just so she could go on believing that there was always a way out. And that he would always find it.