And still all of this gets to me more than it should. My mind is starting to clear up. But I know that the one thing I need to go away won’t just disappear – and I know that in my heart I do not want that to happen either.

We went to the domain of Rheinhessen. “We” referring to Shepherd, Baumgartner, Rottenmeier, countess von Lehndorff-Bruni, Jacques and myself.

I think the most unusual thing was Baumgartner standing up to a clan brother for the honor of no other person than the countess herself. Which usually is not much like him. For all I know he hates her right down to the marrow. And yet there he was, almost ending up in a duel for her honor. It was very odd to watch.

Rottenmeier is, for all one may say or think about her, fun. In her own, probably creepy way. She and I met a Malkavian who went by the name Sherlock Holmes. Turns out I’m smarter than him.

The countess was in a remarkably good mood. She even had the pleasure of striking down one sabbat girl, which I think improved her mood even more. Other than that she took it upon herself to ask everyone about the traditions. Eventually someone ended up staked. I guess that was her doing. Besides, one can always rely on her giving people hell for not minding their manners. Which was all fun when one Nosferatu thought it was a good idea to play games with me and my cane.

During my absence Jason has written a couple of messages. I’d better get around to replying to them soon. Seems to me he’s starting to get back on track. However, early encouragement might make him loose focus again. And I’m still too concerned about this situation to let that happen.

By now I’m pretty sure I should not let Jacques out of my eyes again. Whenever I leave him alone he ends up shot or cut or anything of that sort. Last night he came looking for Shepherd and me, bleeding. Good lord… I wanted to take him away from there. But I can’t. Of course I can’t. I just wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere where he would have been safe. Anywhere…

And that conversation with Shepherd also worried me. If he’s right, then I’m not sure there’s much I can do to protect him. How could I? People have decided I’m the devil in disguise. A very bad disguise, since everyone can see right through it. I need to figure out a way of how to keep him safe…

My Pet,

We should always have been like this. Docile, yet cunning.
After all this time you have finally become my creature, caught in a web that would give you no other choice but to accept. Accept and thereby shed all the doubt there might ever have been. Enjoying every step of the way.
The taste is more pristine now, divine even. The comfort of no longer being weighed down by regret over this and that.
I should have done this sooner.
…