He allways said that I would get used to it. That I would learn to control it better. That the mind would clear up, little by little. The truth of the matter is that the longer this lasts, the more I get lost in emotions I usually strive to control by every means possible. And with Dee that’s easy. She is, after all, under my spell. Yet he… Him I cannot control, no matter how hard I try. No matter my motivation or justification.

There is one thing I could do. But right now that isn’t an option. It would break him beyond repair. And I cannot bear the thought. Yet… The thought of loosing him through the inability to prepare him for his tasks is just as mind-numbing.

The hell.

I know that what I did had to be done, no matter just how sorry I am for having hurt his feelings the way I did. I know – intimately – just how much I must have hurt him. And I will feel guilty over that forever. After months of thinking about it, I still come to the same conclusion: While doing what I did had side effects that could be benefitial, in a power-hogging sort of way, that was never the original intention. I would do the same thing all over again, given the same circumstance and knowledge I had then.